Signs

A man on a bicycle asked me for a dollar. I gave him a dollar and a bag of toiletries. The bag contained a toothbrush. Toothpaste. Hand sanitizer. Tissues. Things like that. There was a Slim Jim in there too. I had that bag because my church distributed them to the parishioners for this exact purpose—to hand them out to the homeless. I cannot remember what they called them. Hope bags. Holy bags.

Yall living in the hood with the black folks, said the man. He held a nearly-spent Black and Mild between his fingers, and with his other hand he offered a fist to be pounded. I obliged. God bless, he said, taking the dollar and the holy bag of toiletries and pedaling away.

God bless, I said.

Later that day, my wife found the holy bag’s contents dumped down the street—the bag getting pushed by the wind this way, that way. Even the Slim Jim was littered.

It was terribly disappointing. And that it happened to me, in my current state of mind—it felt so symbolic. Like it was meant to happen. Like there is a meaning I should uncover.

You have me—deeply dedicated to the historical Jesus, yet a doubter of all supernatural. Me—a young man with a messy beard who holds some strange obsession with finding faith he doesn’t believe in. And then we have this act of goodwill, initiated by the church, dumped in the street.

What does that mean?

That I am to give up? That mankind is unkind—that goodwill is useless?

Now, if there was a true meaning to this encounter, I think, this implies there is a God or something God-like. The atheist approach would be to say: there can be meaning from this, but it’s merely self-created. Its meaning originated with my creation of its meaning. It is not objectively meaningful. I just think it is.

The theist might say: no, this is a message from God. There is something here to be understood.

I’m leaning theist. I don’t know why.

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The Gospels are quite clearly filled with signs from God. Observe Jesus’s baptism:

And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from the heavens said, “This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.”

—Matthew 3:16-17 (NRSVUE)

The transfiguration.

Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and John and led them up a high mountain apart, by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling bright, such as no one on earth could brighten them. And there appeared to them Elijah with Moses, who were talking with Jesus. Then Peter said to Jesus, “Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; let us set up three tents: one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” He did not know what to say, for they were terrified. Then a cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud there came a voice, “This is my Son, the Beloved; listen to him!” Suddenly when they looked around, they no longer saw anyone with them but only Jesus.

—Mark 9:2-8 (NRSVUE)

There are many more examples. Anyone who knows the story of Jesus knows that it is filled with signs from God.

Yet Jesus seems to push back on signs. Observe:

The Pharisees came and began to argue with him, asking him for a sign from heaven, to test him. And he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, "Why does this generation ask for a sign? Truly I tell you, no sign will be given to this generation." And he left them, and getting into the boat again, he went across to the other side.

—Mark 8:11-13 (NRSVUE)

This is eight chapters deep into the Gospel. Have there not already been so many signs? Were these not signs for the generation already?

In other Gospels, there will only be one sign, and that is the sign of Jonah. It says this twice in Matthew:

Then some of the scribes and Pharisees said to him, “Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you.” But he answered them, “An evil and adulterous generation asks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the sea monster, so for three days and three nights the Son of Man will be in the heart of the earth.”

—Matthew 12:38-40 (NRSVUE)

The Pharisees and Sadducees came, and to test Jesus they asked him to show them a sign from heaven. He answered them, “When it is evening, you say, ‘It will be fair weather, for the sky is red.’ And in the morning, ‘It will be stormy today, for the sky is red and threatening.’ You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times. An evil and adulterous generation asks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of Jonah.” Then he left them and went away.

—Matthew 16:1-4 (NRSVUE)

The sign of Jonah here is referring to Jesus’ resurrection. The language is interesting. It’s not saying the resurrection is the only sign needed; it’s saying it’s the only sign given. I don’t know what to make of this. I have a lot of thoughts. Is this just a flaw with the texts? All three synoptics have the this generation will get no sign quote, yet all three synoptics are infested with signs from God. Or are they not signs at all? Was the transfiguration not a sign from God? Is Matthew right? The one and only sign is the resurrection? Do the Pharisees mean a different kind of sign? But the most important question, at least for me, is did the historical Jesus actually say this?

My gut tells me he said something like it. Not the Jonah part. As I have written elsewhere, I think it’s plausible the historical Jesus predicted his own death—but I doubt the Gospels are quoting him verbatim. It’s possible they are though. Maybe the whole rising on the third day did originate with Jesus. Anyway, what I’m saying is my gut tells me the historical Jesus said something like, Stop asking for signs, because lots of people were. In my model of the historical Jesus, he was quite famous in Galilee and the surrounding areas. He was known as a miracle worker. It’s not surprising that when people encountered him they wanted to see a miracle. You can imagine both admirers and skeptics alike requesting this.

Paul also confirms that a Jewish desire for signs existed at the time. Observe:

For Jews demand signs and Greeks desire wisdom

—1 Corinthians 1:22 (NRSVUE)

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So if I think the historical Jesus was actually saying this or more likely something similar to it, shall I stop requesting signs from the Lord? It makes a lot of sense for a skeptic like me to do this, especially one who wants to be a believer, and so I do. I ask for signs all the time. If God gives me a sign, then I will believe—simple.

What’s interesting is that Jesus specifically says this generation will not get a sign. That wasn’t in reference to my generation. So does that mean future generations will receive signs? Well, if you ask guys like Bart Ehrman, he would say the historical Jesus didn’t believe there would be future generations.

I don’t know if any of that matters. Here’s what happened: I had an experience that felt like a sign from God. It wasn’t a good sign, but it felt like a sign.

Or a test.

Is he seeing how committed I am to finding faith? He gave me an encounter that would lead many to conclude that acts of goodwill are pointless. They will take your charity and throw it into the street—literally. If that’s the case, if this is a test, he has not beaten me. I will continue to search. I will find faith. I will walk down the street later today and pick up the contents of the holy bag. They’re still there, rain-soaked, hugging the curb, waiting to be lifted up, as I am.

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Art by Odilon Redon. “I Saw a Flash of Light, Large and Pale” (1896)